A holiday with small children is not a rest, and planning for that helps

These are listed in the order worth acting on, which with holidays with young children is not the order they are usually presented in.

The job comes too

Meals, naps, nappies, bedtimes and the negotiation about shoes all continue, in a place with the wrong equipment and none of the routine that makes them work at home. That is why a holiday with small children is frequently more work than a week at home, not less. The disappointment comes almost entirely from the expectation of rest rather than from the week itself.

Renaming it a change of scene sets a target that is actually achievable.

Schedule the actual break

A break for one adult only exists if someone is on duty, which means it has to be assigned rather than hoped for. Each adult taking one morning off, agreed before you leave, produces two real breaks and no resentment.

For most families, the alternative is both adults on duty continuously and each privately keeping score. For a single parent the equivalent is planning at least one paid or supported block, and it is worth budgeting for.

Travel days are not holiday

A long journey with small children is a task requiring its own plan, and counting it as one of your seven days produces a permanent sense of shortfall. Arrival day is usually a write-off, spent finding a supermarket and working out the cot. Booking one extra night at the start, where budget allows, buys back the whole first day.

What usually helps: planning nothing for the day after you get home is the other half of the same insight.

The evening problem decides the accommodation

A hotel room means everyone in one space, which means the adults’ evening ends when the child falls asleep at seven. An apartment with a separate bedroom, or two rooms, buys back three hours a night for a week, which is usually the single largest quality-of-life factor. Self-catering means cooking; a hotel means restaurants with a toddler; each solves one problem and creates the other.

Naming which of those two you would rather have is a faster way to choose than comparing photographs.

Do considerably less than you booked

One planned thing a day is enough, and the second thing is where most family holiday arguments originate. Small children generally prefer the pool, the beach and the playground to whatever you travelled to see, and fighting that is expensive. A schedule built around nap times looks unambitious on paper and produces a much better week.

The photographs will be of the ordinary bits regardless.

Every child is different, and so is every week.

The health preparation nobody does

Travel insurance that actually covers existing conditions, enough of any regular medication, and a copy of prescriptions are worth sorting weeks ahead. Some destinations require vaccinations or preventive medication, and the lead times can be long, so a travel clinic or doctor conversation belongs early rather than the week before.

What usually helps: how healthcare works at the destination, including what your insurance or any reciprocal arrangement covers, is worth knowing before you need it. Sun, water and heat are the everyday risks that actually occur, and small children are more vulnerable to all three than adults are.

Everything above, in order of what to do first

1. The job comes too. Meals, naps, nappies, bedtimes and the negotiation about shoes all continue, in a place with the wrong equipment and none of the routine that makes them work at home.
2. Schedule the actual break. A break for one adult only exists if someone is on duty, which means it has to be assigned rather than hoped for.
3. Travel days are not holiday. A long journey with small children is a task requiring its own plan, and counting it as one of your seven days produces a permanent sense of shortfall.
4. The evening problem decides the accommodation. A hotel room means everyone in one space, which means the adults’ evening ends when the child falls asleep at seven.
5. Do considerably less than you booked. One planned thing a day is enough, and the second thing is where most family holiday arguments originate.
6. The health preparation nobody does. Travel insurance that actually covers existing conditions, enough of any regular medication, and a copy of prescriptions are worth sorting weeks ahead.

The takeaway

Assign the mornings off, book the extra room, and plan one thing a day rather than four.

Most of parenting is repair, not perfection, and repair counts.